I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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