I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
