i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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