Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
