don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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