You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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