Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
