We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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