I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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