Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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