i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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