I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
