Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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