we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
