tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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