before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
