I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
