my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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