nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
