If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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