it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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