This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
