this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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