how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
