I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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