covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
