haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
