When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
