Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
