I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
