hotel room ftw
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
