so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
