I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
