I want to make a zoo with you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
