I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
