either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
