Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
