she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
