"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want nice things and good sex
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
