woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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