What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
