how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
