I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
