I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
