Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
