do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
