grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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