tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
