You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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