I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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