She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
